Self-worth should not be tied to one's career
By Maria Pascucci
(Originally published in The Buffalo News)
You might want to call me young and a bit naive, but I do know
this: Too many Americans measure success through job titles and
dollars instead of happiness.
If a woman earns a six-figure income and her name is on the mailbox
in front of a huge six-figure home, many would envy her even if
she said she despises the job that funds her lifestyle. Conversely,
if that same woman lived in a modest apartment with aging floors
and fading carpets, but found great satisfaction in her career
and life, I would bet that not many would be envious of her.
When I was a little girl, I admired my grandfather, a music teacher
and band director, not because he earned a huge salary, but because
he loved his job and the life he led. As I grew older, I admired
him more and more because the success he had earned was something
I craved. I wanted to make a difference in the lives of others
and, like him, leave my mark on the world.
When he died last year, people spoke of how he had touched their
lives through his job, but more importantly, through his kindness.
I now understand that when my grandfather was my age, he could
have chosen any profession, but the true measure of his self-worth
-- his character -- would have remained the same no matter what
line of work he had gone into.
In the midst of an economy that has been slow in generating new
jobs, it is dangerous to measure self-worth and the worth of others
through a job title or the ability to make money. The family breadwinner
who gets laid off and suddenly faces unemployment for the first
time in his life, the idealist who quits an unfulfilling job to
pursue a satisfying but less lucrative career or the college graduate
who, like me, has difficultly finding meaningful employment after
graduation, suffer deep emotional blows if they tie their self-worth
to a job.
When I graduated from college, I applied for jobs in my field
and didn't get one offer. My ego badly bruised, I dreaded seeing
acquaintances in the supermarket. They always asked what I had
been doing since graduation. I felt like everyone was judging
me, and I even got to the point where I stopped applying for jobs
because I couldn't face one more rejection.
Then I read a book of quotes my husband brought home for me, and
one in particular changed my outlook. Eleanor Roosevelt once said,
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
At that moment, I realized that I, too, measured success through
job titles and dollars, and that was why I so easily internalized
the perceived judgment of others. I couldn't measure up to my
own standards, and I didn't even respect those standards.
I should have told every person who asked that I was a writer,
but I was too embarrassed to say that because I didn't have the
dollars or the job to validate myself. I am no longer ashamed.
I am who I am, with or without a job title or a check.
Columnist Anna Quindlen said, "If your success is not on
your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel
good in your heart, it is not success at all."
My grandfather chose an esteemed career, won countless awards
and earned a respectable salary. But he is remembered first and
foremost for the many ways he loved others. That is how I want
to be remembered, too. That would make me truly successful.
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